5.18.2012

How to Move Out of an Apartment Properly

Back in college I lived in the same apartment for several years. In that time, I also manufactured small props and occult items for use in several student films. You know, stuff like this:

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When the time came to graduate and move out of the apartment, there was some overlap between those features of my life. Here’s a short list of the tings that I did in preparation of moving…

  • There were little lips above the insides of the kitchen doors, and if you closed them hard enough small objects would dislodge from the lip and end up inside the drawer. One of the drawers stuck open and had to be slammed closed virtually every time, so in this one I hid an economy sized Hershey bar as a gift for the new tenant. All of the others? Those got bone totems and hex bags and little vodou fetishes.
  • Taped to the inside of the breaker box, there was a grimoire. Not a big one, mind you, just a couple of dozen little pages on the nature and creation of homunculi. Lavishly illustrated and heavily aged, the text was written in a made up language based on old alchemical symbols with passages in Hebrew, Arabic, and a lengthy excerpt from the Egyptian Book of the Dead presented in the original hieroglyphics.
  • There was a bag of Japanese fish snacks that someone had bought on a joke…just these disgusting little flavorless, scentless, freeze-dried whole anchovies. Nobody much liked to eat them, so when the time to move came they were crammed into the air conditioning vents, the dryer lint-trap, and down into every little crack, crevice, and hidey-hole that could be found.
  • Last thing out was to take a batch of fresh stage blood out from the fridge and dump it in the toilet tank. Don’t know if it would have the desired effect (to fill the bowl with fake blood when it was flushed) but there would be something to find someday either way.

You’re welcome, person who moved in after me.

-Sean

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